From the May 7, 1932, issue

MONKEYS GET BALD LIKE MEN

It is no longer fair to blame your barber or beautician for that bald spot; nor can you lay your gray hairs onto worry over your childrens naughtiness or your brokers shortsightedness.

Getting bald or going gray are just primate traits, like walking on two legs instead of four, according to the latest pronouncement of science.